A ten-year long chapter is coming to an end for me: I am finally graduating university. Underneath all of the anxiety is a handful of excitement for what is to come. I thought I would take the time to reflect on my journey to becoming an artist and what I hope to take away from my experience.
Musical background? Uh…
My love for music presented itself in strange ways when I was a kid. For instance, most kids are taught how to play the recorder in elementary school, but I ended up dodging it somehow. You see, there were too many Grade 3 students in one class, so they transferred me and two other kids to a different classroom with the Grade 4 teacher. But I was still determined to learn the recorder. I took out a recorder we had lying around the house, my sister’s worksheets from when she was in Grade 3, and I studied those sheets front to back. I even taught myself how to play Camp Rock songs on the recorder.
The first song I ever remember writing was based off of a movie title and I rhymed “world” with “curled” (don’t ask). I clearly had an urge to express myself in words, but most of the time, I stuck to writing prose as an outlet. I found out that I had a decent singing voice when I was eight, but I never joined choir simply because I couldn’t be bothered to wake up early to attend.
In high school, I picked up a guitar for the first time in my life. Somewhere out there, a picture of that moment is in a yearbook. And you can clearly see that I am holding the guitar upside down. I thought that my right hand was supposed to move along the fretboard while my left hand just strummed. Come on, doesn’t that sound logical? Speaking of logic, I learned how to use a DAW in Grade 10. Goodbye loops, hello piano roll! As I have shared in the past, my compositions were not very good. We don’t need to relive my music portfolio saga.
High school is over. Now what?
On paper, my music experience didn’t amount to much and it seemed like a bad idea to pursue it as a career. So I turned to my love for math and number crunching as a career option. In my first four years of university, I had studied accounting, statistics, and computing science. I pretty much flunked out of all three programs. A deadly cocktail of mental illness, hostile learning environments, and poor adjustment to the grind of university left me feeling uncertain about my future. I desperately needed to pivot.
To complete my elective requirements, I took courses that counted towards the creative writing minor, but it was never something I was serious about pursuing. I was just having a little bit of fun. To fully commit myself to a career in the arts was out of the question. However, during this tumultuous time in my life, I had met with a counsellor at my university. I briefly mentioned that I was considering switching to the music program. She told me that my eyes lit up at the word “music.” I’m still not sure if I believe that happened, but I guess it was the push I needed. I took the plunge and began seriously pursuing the music program at my school. At the beginning of 2020, of all times.
So what instrument do you play?
How did I manage to keep up with my classes given my limited experience making music? Well, it helps that the program stressed that experience was not necessary. All you needed was curiosity and the courage to persevere. Just like that, every door flew wide open. And it was terrifying! The teachers put their full trust in my “artistic vision” and rarely ever said no. In fact, I was often the one saying no. Never have I had so much permission to be myself in my life. I didn’t know if I could trust my own judgement. And as I near my final days in the music program, I’m still not sure if I do.
But what about all the times I’ve said yes these past five years? Well, I have had some wild experiences as a result. I performed a rap song, learned how to use a MIDI controller, recorded and promoted a podcast, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Every time I give myself permission to explore, the more clarity I get. So if there’s one thing I want to take away from my time in university, it is to tell myself yes more often. That handful of excitement isn’t going to grab itself!